After a recent call for help on facebook - asking for a place to crash for a couple of weeks, a friend questioned, “why are you homeless.?”
A very fair
question, I thought, to which I responded, that it wasn’t quite planned as
such, but that’s just the way it turned out.
In fact, what
started out as being not only homeless - I was also penniless – turned out to be
one of the greatest social experiments/experiences
of my life - in hindsight, of course.
It was only half
a year ago, that I’d contemplated actually living on the streets, and not at
all because I was in despair, quite the contrary. But to take to the streets
was a thing of the past, a step I could skip, said the voice in my head. It
would be only a matter of time before I’d have bright ideas for others and then
start organizing. Continue to stay still, said the voice. Get lost.
After healing
with my folks, I spent much time in solitude, going inward, being very quiet
and still, on the other side of which, I
couldn’t come to terms with “the system,” any longer, but being homeless wasn’t
the answer.
For the first
time, I was “in love,” in a state of love, that is, and though I was feeling
really at peace, something still wasn’t connecting.
What is the point
of this all?
I’m “in love,”
but what am I supposed to do with this now? How do I fit in?
“I don’t fit in...” The system wasn’t supporting my newfound solitude, and I wasn’t
about to give it up.
So off to nature
I went, for a month and a half, getting even more quiet and more still, dying
every night, being born again every single morning. My dear friends who gave me
not just shelter, but their whole hearts, filled me with even more love, and I
them.
We cooked
together, we worked together, we sang together- the flow was like nothing else
I’d experienced til then- dare I say, it was like magic.
Since around
June, it’s not that I was homeless, rather, I came to see it as I had many
homes, none of which I was tied to, but nonetheless, they sheltered me, and I
gave back, with all my heart, the best ways I knew how, dropping a little bit
of sunshine, where I went.
Nobody was privy
to the fact that I was broke, because I didn’t act like I was. I tell you though, it was the greatest relief when I finally started to say out loud that "I have no money," as in I accepted it, rather than trying to hide it. Things started to change.
Everything I’d
learned in my personal “Healing Project, “ was telling me to “trust in the
process of life,” “to surrender to God/The Universerve/MySelf…Stop trying and
just “Be.”
I put it all to
practise and was true - I was always ok, even more than ok, despite being in
debt and not having an address—all of which turned out to be a blessing.
With still so much to learn every single day,
I learned to fine
tune my intuition.
I learned my
body, how she speaks to me.
I learned how to
bend and stretch time.
I learned how to
free myself from emotional trauma through EFT (Emotional Freedom
Technique-which is pivotal to even being able to write this post)--without really
planning it, I learned to become what I wanted to attract, which further opened
me up for love from outside of myself.
I learned about
the two states from which all our emotions, and our existence, come - love vs fear- and remain mindful to stay “in love.”
I finally learned
how to value myself, seeing that my self worth had been non-existent, after a
few personal failures, hence the blockage of flow of money.
I learned how to
ask for help.
And, I learned that
the system is not bad- it is still my creation, and can be what I will it to
be.
And what about love...? These
are my thoughts day in and day out:
Go into love, as
opposed to fear. Here, things like, “falling in love,” become meaningless, as
how can you fall into something you are already in?
When you are
operating “in love,” all your hearts desires, are there too - the person you’re destined to be with- like a
magnet, you simply come together, your dream home, job, what have you. It’s
all “here.”
How do you get here? Get still.
 |
| Quote by Barbora Stranska |
Further to being
in the state of love, is that life gets so much easier, life becomes so much
more beautiful, day in and day out. You don’t need to count how many days you’ve
been happy or grateful for, you just “are.”
---
A few weeks back, “The Winds of Change,”
started to blow once again. I knew I had
to leave where I was staying, just because the unspoken contract had come to an
end. I asked a friend if he knew of a place I could move into, who passed on
the message. I was over the moon, when old flatmate contacted me, letting me
know that my favourite apartment, which I’d loved the moment I walked into it almost five years ago, would be free as of late December. I’ve already lived there
twice, and now, #21 beckons me back. I’m not even flinching-it’s my dream flat.
But then there
remained the small detail, that I needed a place immediately, as as the winds
had blown, when they do, do not linger.
That’s the facebook post you may have seen and/responded to.
Suffice it to
say- what a beautiful experience that was. I got so many responses from wonderful
people, who were willing to share their homes with me for a heartbeat. How can
I be anything but blessed?
So actually, back
to the original question- “why am I homeless?”
I’m not, I have
many homes.
And after six months
of gypsy living, cycling energy with all those who took me in, I am happy with
the decision to stay in one place, and pay rent.
I am forever grateful to everyone who helped me, who came into my path, and
even those who decided to leave. Each of you has been a teacher to me and I thank you infinitely. The favor is being passed forward.
To conclude, as I
do every single day, the world is a beautiful place. The world is a reflection
of me, my creation. Learning and growing is endless, should you so choose, and
your wings get bigger, as you fly higher, releasing the limits and bounds you
place on yourself.
To You, who’s
eyes read this message, and feel it in your heart, “You only need to be what
you want to attract, “ And it all comes.
Much love and
light to you.<3
