My Mentors- Part 1 of 4: Louise Hay

In continuation of my personal healing project- these next 4 parts cover my learnings with my greatest mentors, starting with, none other than Louise Hay- the “Queen of Affirmations.”

Affirmations seemed rather benign to me, until not too long ago. The image I would get when hearing the word was a scene out of the 1999 blockbuster film, American Beauty. In my mind's eye, I would see Annette Benning’s character driving along listening to a self- help tape, with post it’s along her dash board (or so I remember..? ).  

In a frenzied state, much like a robot, she was repeating the words fromt the tape as though they would,  by way of osmosis, permeate into her being and, and she would be "healed." 

Not quite the way affirmations work.  

After watching “You Can Heal Your Life,” a whole new world opened up to me, or lest I say, "reopened."  I couldn’t not delve further into the workings of the mind, and came to understand that affirmations do play an important role – not to fool oneself and sugar-coat reality with a lie but, simply said, to exchange a negative thought for a positive one.

Can you imagine how many thoughts you have in a day? A lot. Something like 

60 000+, and more often than not, the majority of those thoughts are negative/fear based. (Don’t take my word for it though, carry along a notepad with you for a few hours, and take a tally of your own positive and negative thoughts-try it even for 20minutes, and see what happens).

Now that this made more sense to me, I gave affirmations a go, With my “bible- Heal Your Body, ” always on hand, I was starting to see how my thoughts were subconscious thoughts were resulting in pains, big or small in my body, and that by saying a specific affirmation, (a grand list found at the back of the book, where body issues are related to metaphysical reason, for which an affirmation is provided), the pain would go away.  If I’d thought I was ever in tune with my body before, this brought me to a whole different level.

Now then, a story, if you will. Here’s a couple of my personal experiences with affirmations.

Some months back, early one morning, whilst walking to a conference I was volunteering at (whereby I’d be spending most of the time on my feet, in a pair of heels), I experienced excruciating pain in my right knee. No longer afraid to “look weird,” I stopped on the spot, raised my leg up, put both hands on my knee and spoke to it, literally. According to Louise, an issue with the knee “represents pride and ego,” to which the affirmation is “I am flexible and flowing.” Before I started with the affirmation, I asked myself where in my life I was being arrogant, when and to whom. I said a list of names  aloud, and the pain went away.

“This is insane I thought,” even I couldn’t believe the pain disappeared, but it was back a few minutes later. As I’d not really delved into who I was arrogant towards or why the first time around, I went through the list again, and when I landed on one persons name, the pain, yet again, disappeared.  Staying in the moment, I then contemplated my behaviour to this person, and immediately sent a message that when I returned home after the conference I would make a phone call. And most importangly, I aplologized, and asked for forgiveness, with all my heart. 

The pain didn’t return. 

In another area of my life, the problem was excessive fat on my body. 

With the conclusion of a relationship- which ended like a smudge of paint on an invisible canvas - followed by a fling here and there, my body bloated again. The message it was giving me (or rather, screaming at me), was, "you don't love me enough, I need protection." In essence, a blanket of fat. 

I still hadn't fully grasped that the love I needed was already inside me, not outside. 

One of the reasons I consciously chose not to take traditional approach to losing the fat  via diet & exercise, (going 'paleo, sugar free, or gluten free, dairy free, -or all of the mentioned, & then further beating up this body with intense training, all over again-- things I knew to well, in what seems like a past life),  was because I wasn't looking for a band-aid solution again. Even right now, I could drop 2 sizes in the matter of a month, but if I don't ask the question, "why did I gain this weight in the first place?", then it's destined to return. 

To this day I don't know how much "protection," I acquired, as I stopped weighing myself  completely, and pay no heed to sizes, but it's coming off, and I'm eating everything I wish to, guilt free, and moving my body in ways that it's happy with. If it takes a little longer to shed the excess fat, so be it-but even that, is up to my imagination.

According to Louise, Fat or Weight issues represent:

Oversensitivity. Often represents fear and shows a need for protection. Fear may be a cover for hidden anger and a resistance to forgive. Running away from feelings. Insecurity, self-rejection and seeking fulfillment. - Arms: Anger at being denied love. - Belly: Anger at being denied nourishment. - Hips: Lumps of stubborn anger at the parents. Thighs: Packed childhood anger. Often rage at the father.

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Over time, (though I still use it), I referred to 'my bible,' less and less, getting to know my mind better, and realizing that my imagination was one of my greatest tools. 

When something pops up, like pain in my hip, for example, I run through a series of questions with myself. What is the function of my hip? What does it do in my life? It’s on the left side, which represents femininity…What’s going on? Where am I afraid of moving forward in my life, and how does it relate to the feminine aspect of myself? 

These questions coupled with affirmations were working wonders for me- so much so that eventually, I would even make up my own affirmation:

Dear Universe, Spirit guides, and (Guardian) Angels,I trust in this process of life that we created together, before I came back down to earth, to my parents, brother and sisters. I love, forgive and accept in myself, knowing that all my needs are taken care of, that I am safe, that all is well.

This covered a range of ailments, and I found myself going on automatic pilot, when out and about, repeating the above, over and over again (which offered me great solace (and I still use everyday).

Life, was becoming more colourful, and soonafter, like on a timer or something, Dr. Wayne Dyer came knocking, and added to the already beautiful picture, further blowing me away. 

I am grateful for the beautiful spirit that Louise Hay is, to have overcome such adversity in her own life, then turn around and help masses of people. Thank You.

Thanks for reading, and do check out the links I’ve posted, should any of the above resonate with you.

My mentors part 2 of 4- Dr. Wayne Dyer, to come shortly.

Peace & Love.

It was Rape

An ugly word in an of itself and with it comes to mind things like,  dark alley way, roofies, a strange person, a strange place...

It was not until very recently, (this past week), that I could definitely call it rape, and it had nothing to do with any of the above.

For too long, I'd just accepted that it was this ugly thing between he and I, which'd happened once upon a time. And since I'd not fled the pending situation, despite my fear, and even refusal, I could not stop it. It was completely without rhyme or reason...

 

What happened was tearing me apart, but all I could do was step out of my skin.  I watched myself struggle. I  watched myself cry. I watched myself wrestle him off me, when he had me pinned down on the ground, by my wrists. 

Over time, every now and again, the scene played itself to me, & though I believed I'd cleared it on my own, recently - in the heat of a moment - much like a tsunami, it all came rushing back to the forefront of my mind.

I froze, got up and walked away. I realized I'd been on autopilot, & stepped out of my skin again - despite the fact that it was entirely different situation.

Despite that fact that the sun was shining straight ahead of me, but I couldn't see it as it was overshadowed by the rape. -It was still stuck in every single cell of my body, & in that very moment, each cell replayed past events like a motion picture.

This is precisely why I'd consulted with Juraj (Yurai) Šipkovský, a FasterEFT coach, who'd already helped other women, (& specializes in) clearing blocks related to sexual trauma. Even knowing the power of EFT, doing it often, this was the first time I'd had to go beyond myself to resolve an issue.

Juraj was incredibly gentle, and I felt totally at ease throughout the whole process. Whilst tapping, coupled with his compassionate guidance, we cleared the block and carried on working through others that showed up. 

I am infinitely grateful to regain something in me, that I hadn't known was lost.

In releasing this block, I made a very conscious decision to share it with You. -You, who is questioning yourself for that ugly THING that happened. It doesn't have to be kept inside.

This thing happened in my life, but now it’s just a story, it’s not my life.

Love & Peace ❤

The Healing Project - Part 2 of 2.

We bid our farewells, and even before my return home, to Slovakia, I commenced my shift, which started with a sense of routine.

As it 2013 fast approached it's end, there were plenty of 'New Year's Resolutions,' flying around and something that resonated with me was a "30 day challenge."

As lame as it may sound, (and likely you too saw it flying around all over social media), it was the “30 Day Squat Challenge,” whereby by the end of 30 days, you’ve progressed up to doing 300 squats. This spoke to me and I did it. What it proved was that I still needed time away from the fitness world as I’d known and been part of for so many years, (at the time, I still saw it as a crutch, so steered clear of any sort of fitness I'd done before, despite the fact that there was weight to be lost),  but more importantly, routine was coming.

One of the other '30 day challenges,' I did in unison, was going to bed and waking up early. Normally, as I’d put off my squats all day, I’d do them right before bed, and then awake to do the Five Tibetans, neither of which I saw as exercise, rather as movement, further unifying my body and mind. Again, I wasn't ready for "fitness," yet. 

Food wise, I needed a detox, and just having been home, I picked up a few Ayurvedic tips and tricks from mom. I ate neutrally for 30 days-- lentils & rice, with tumeric, ginger and cumin seeds. That helped tremendously, as I started to feel clean. 

 

Introducing my Mentors - they who held the torch with me, and led me further into this new realm.

Whist at home, until the healing with my folks, I was actually mildly depressed. I remember one morning, not wanting to leavemy room, not wanting to show my parents the grey cloud above and inside me--not again.

That’s when I came across Louise Hay, the "queen of affirmations." I think I may have already been using affirmations before, but they started to make more sense to me.

Over the course of three or four days, upon waking up each morning, I would watch the film, “You Can Heal Your Life,” for a few minutes, or as long as I had needed to be able to walk out of my bedroom without the cloud- it worked. 

Eventually, I got up feeling at peace again, even before the 31 December healing. 

Louise Hay led me to Dr. Wayne Dyer. 

Dr. Dyer spoke directly to my heart. I cannot tell you how much time I spent listening to his calming voice, to numerous books, conferences, and interviews. I watched his film, “TheShift,” perhaps three, maybe four times, and it too, resonated with me highly. Through him, I started yoga again, and spent much time in meditation.

  

Between Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, things already in me, were being confirmed, things I'd felt for so long. 

One of the most beautiful quotes I’d come across, which Dr. Dyer uses often in his talks, was this one, which gives me goosebumps every time:

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds, on the heel that has just crushed it..” 

Wayne Dyer, too, also made an introduction, to yet another fascinating character- Dr. Bruce Lipton, a cell biologist, who made some remarkable advances in science in relation to spirit. His book "The Biology of Belief," turned out to be a kind of bible for me. 

Around the same time, I came across, EFT(Emotional Freedom Techinque), for the second time in my life (previously eight years ago), via Nick Ortner.

The education of my life, had me listening to mostly Wayne Dyer, for hours and hours a day, whilst I was playing with food, concocting new recipes, and designing clothes- all in all, becoming more and more free.

EFT was (and still is), the strongest tool for my healing. Earlier in the year, I got into it half-heartedly, doing it here and there.  That changed, some months back when I’d had an excruciating headache for three days. Admittedly, I was lazy about it at first, until I reminded myself about it, and the headache went away in 15minutes, from huge pain, to zero.

And of course, the headache was nothing in comparison to the rape story I just shared, on facebook. FasterEFT is a whole new ballgame for me, and I'm so grateful to Juraj Sipkovsky (Specialist in helping women overcome sexual trauma), for helping me clear it.

I’ll go into more detail about the specifics of how all of these beautiful spirits helped me change my life, with further posts to come about, Affirmations, Meditation and Yoga, Subconscious vs Consious, and of course, EFT.

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During this time of “awakening,” I was going through interesting things, namely, financially. After moving back from Central Slovakia, last year, every now and again, I’d break my block and make some money, but nothing really stuck. I went further and further into debt.

Funnily enough, I was asking the universe to be free, to go to a state of zero, and though I’d not meant it, financially, I recieved presicely what I'd asked for. (NB: be very specific about what you ask for, it will come!).

Already in debt, with nothing in my account, I totally freaked out, when collections got on my back about not paying health insurance.

The freak out didn’t last for very long, as I put to practise the things I’d already been learning for months…

"I already have everything I need. Stay in a state of love, as opposed to fear, and things will work out."

For a while, things did work out. I got collections off my back, but something in me was still blocking money. I contemplated what it meant to me, what about me was preventing its flow?

Again, at zero, I decided to ride with it, giving away much of my clothing, shoes,  along with other bits and bobs. Every now and again, when I did have it, I’d give away the last bit of change I’d had, just to see what would happen. 

In a state of bliss, and not wanting to be part of the system, I considered taking to the streets, though a voice inside of me laughed and said,

 “Seriously? You’ll start organizing and helping others, that’s a step you can skip, kid.”

I listened to my inner voice, and indeed, did skip that step, but I don’t for a moment, take for granted that I could be on the streets at any time. 

Whilst I still don’t have a permanent home, I don’t consider myself homeless, in the way I thought I might be, some months ago. 

In getting back up on my feet, there have been numerous angels along the way, allowing me the space and time to do my thing. To be born again into a beautiful day, day in and day out, doing "seva," or, helping others. 

So, giving way to the old adage, “earning a living,” I began. In fact, it would be more appropriate to say, I started to earn my life, but not before almost 2 months in nature, over at Dobry Rocnik, where dear kindred spirits, Michaela & Pavol Strycek, helped bring out the best in me. Before going there, the idea of being a proper nomad really felt good to me, living on the very edge of the system, but instead, 'The Winds of Change,' blew me back to Bratislava, my heart. 

Today, I am that, I am. I continue to do what I love, and love what I do- back to my artist roots. I write, I cook, I design, I use my voice, and quite often, I do nothing at all- each of which to me, equates to love, love for me. But what brings me great joy, and in equal measure, is helping others heal themselves, like I’ve done with myself. 

Going back to my parents, and our Healing time together, what I’d not said in the last post, I will now.

They actually didn’t say so much, but they hadn’t needed to. They listened, and they proved to me that they had within them, all along, what I accused them - years earlier - of not having. Unconditional love. The very thing I'd been searching for everywhere, was always right in front of me- my greatest gift, and lesson.

The Education of My Life, from 19 July, 1996, to 31 December, 2013, prepared me for the most intense dictation - from Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Bruce Lipton, and Nick Ortner, (and of course, all the teachers in my life, all my angels, even those who pained my heart at one time or another), over the past year. 

Death would be my graduation, from this University, so until the transition back to light, I carry on. 

A Drop of Sunshine

Officially, with no longer a shadow of a doubt, I know my souls purpose. I’m here to help. I am, and have been for a long time, a “Holistic Coach & Catalyst for Healing, and all I know is that I’m supposed to share this with you.

I don’t have a piece of paper, with a signature confirming anything.

My whole life – The Healing Project – is my signature.   

The Healing Project- part 1 of 2

It was almost a year ago when I surprised them again, showing up totally unexpected at my parents place, just in time for Christmas.

Compared to the Christmas gift they received by me showing up, what they gave me was a gift like no other.

From one day to the next, life changed, drastically. Others will tell you that they are born again Christians, or born again virgins, but I? Quite simply, I was born again to my parents.

What happened that evening, 31 December, 2013, was the beginning of my immense healing, which continues still to this very day.

It wasn’t like I pulled them over and said, “hey guys, I need to heal,” let’s talk… Far from it. The only thing I knew was that I had to I needed to tell them my life’s tales, from the time I ran away at 19, refusing their way of life, seeking my own truth, my own light.

At the time, even for me, it seemed like “the easy way out,” but I assured them, that for a long time, it was anything but easy.

Contrary to the hearsay of many of those in close proximity to me, I wasn’t off gallivanting, oblivious of their pain. However, I couldn’t handle my own, let alone anyone elses’. I had to go, or I would die.

The reprogramming of my Self, began with three years of psychiatry, where meds were often suggested, but I refused, despite my severe depression. This was followed by four more years of some form of therapy,(psychotherapy, homeopathy and naturopathy).

I was like a ghost in a shell, empty, but so very empty. I couldn’t tell who or what I was anymore, neither Indian, nor Canadian, not fitting in anywhere.

My boyfriend at the time, did his best to fill me with love, but we would both come to learn that, in order to give or receive love, it first had to exist within the self, and surely, it didn’t within me, hence, it wasn’t long before we unravelled at the seams, despite which, we still stayed together for a number of years.

And all the while, you see, I kept myself cuffed to my cage, though I always had the key and door was never closed. I released the cuffs when I got divorced. He was by no means a bad man, my ex-husband...It was just that I had to leave, in order to find my truth.

They listened intently to my stories, not knowing, nor guessing how it had been. They had no idea about my pregnancies, about my severe self-destruction, about how much I yearned for their acceptance of me, and that I missed them dearly, despite stopping communication. 

I told them of my one saving grace in those times; much as I loathed myself back then, somewhere very deep inside of me, I knew that one day I would be great.

"Seeking my own truth, my own light"

And so it was.
Almost ten years after I’d run away from home, I ran away from Canada, to England, (running away from my divorce), thinking that my truth was there. It wasn’t. Depression set in again- how could I have left him? We could have made it work…

Once again I was getting ready to run, and this time, my "go-to," place was Greece. 

A month into a job I hated, I stopped.

I stopped absolutely everything. On the last day of my 29th year, (same day as my wedding anniversary), I quietly celebrated the death of my marriage, and turned 30, with a different view. For 2 weeks, I did nothing but write, & read, most often in solitude, and I cried a great deal.

Life started to become colourful again, I told them. 

I moved back to London, (England), and a job, (that I actually loved), fell into my lap. It would later become the catalyst for my starting a business in Slovakia, where I was led to by an ex-boyfriend.

Finally I was on Slovak soil, (which was more home than anywhere I'd lived in my life), and thriving for a while, until the old habitual patterns started to come back, with severe depression, with money, with love- twice lucky, twice lost, (or so I’d thought).

I was coming to the end of my tales, & in full blown tears, about my latest loss, and even my mother, with her hand on my shoulder, (something I’d wanted all my life from her), welled up too. I wasn't asking for their pity, but I was asking for something.
I was asking, and still do, for them to trust in me. Trust that my life is as it's meant to be, with all its rich lessons.

There it was, my whole life on the table, I’d finally spoke my heart out to the people I’d chosen as parents. Finally, and they listened without judgement, with love.

We wished each other a happy new year, parted ways and went off to sleep.

A few hours later, I awoke in a different way then ever before. I awoke in love, “in a state of love,” that is. It was the most beautiful, glorious feeling I’d ever experienced, which repeats time and time again.

Part 2 of The Healing Project to come shortly. Thanks ever so much for reading.<3